Electra 16 May 2004, 15:27Eddy are you one of those permanent colonials who wears a panama hat
Eddy 16 May 2004, 20:30
1) Leckie. No. Strictly boaters. Panamas tend to clip the monocle.
19 Apr 2004, 00:35
The Governor’s DinnerSpeaking of Puffin's Chinese restaurant sighting, Eddy went to a big dinner last night, a Governor of a Chinese province who was visiting. In a big Chinese restaurant. Eddy himself was quite occupied with the wife of the owner of the restaurant, 40 something lady from Hong Kong with VERY fetching rimless minus 4s which had a nice way of flashing in the lights. However this was but as preliminary play when in walked the official party and just behind the big man himself was a truly stunning gwg, about 30, legs which went all the way up to her armpits and a totally acceptable pair of gold rimmed ovals. Now as you know, I'm not one to judge these things but I'd be prepared to swear that they were in the -7 range. Wonderful!
We were a bit intrigued as to how we would play this one because that level of pulchritude in the company of a "leading comrade" usually indicates minor wife. That's mistress for the more literally inclined. So we were favorably surprised when she took a seat at a table far below the main one, a definite signal for the Eddy move-in. Turns out that she is the deputy mayor of an impoverished county who has succeeded in bringing in amazing amounts of foreign investment by methods which Eddy could only guess at as he sat there transfixed by the way in which her shapely legs disappeared below her very mini skirt.
We have decided that a technical exchange should take place tonight. Watch this space.
27 Jul 2003, 04:37
The Indonesian EateryEXCELLENT weekend's gwg watching. First. Saturday night Lady E and yours truly hied ourselves off to our favorite Indonesian eatery. Great little spot where the rendang's not too dry and the bill doesn't leave you broke and the Cape whites are just dry enough. And the experience was all the more enhanced by the appearance of not one but two Javanese lovelies waiting at our table. Twins no less, lovely silky black hair tied up in pony tails high on their lovely heads. Black ovals perfectly setting off their hair. But oddly enouigh different rxs, one -4ish and one about -2. Your correspondent was subjected to serious excoriation for paying insufficient attention to Lady E's witty repartee.
This morning on the beach, sitting down to a bit of serious artery sclerosing bacon and eggs and a cup of Zorba's stongest black coffee. Very interesting mid 30s bourgeoise with the requisite floppy straw hat and a nice pair of rimless -5s which the sun glinted of in a truly delightful way.
This afternoon on the freeway. Beautiful cloudless sky, sun flashing off the estuarine waters, dolphins jumping, God in his Heaven and all cylinders on the car firing in exactly the right order. Most gratifying. A situation which could hardly be better, thought Eddy until suddenly a little Mazda sports car with an open roof drew up beside him for just long enough to reveal that it was being driven by a STUNNER, mid 20s, blond, with rimless glasses. Now you must understand that one of the reasons why Eddy has made it to his advanced age is that despite his dedication to most of the deadly sins he has always been a very cautious driver and the thirty mile chase (she did not share this virtue) which ensued was quite out of character. However it did allow us the particular pleasure of pulling up next to her in a roadhouse where we could give her a proper checking out. Outstanding!
11 Apr 2003, 16:56
The Business Partner’s WifeA good one last night. After a long fiscal drought one of Eddy's new business ventures struck a modest amount of gold. Nothing too exciting but just enough to suggest that the direction of flow of coin of the realm might change from negative to positive or at least sluggish and stagnant. And eddy LOVES positive cashflow more than many other things. So a celebration was called for. So Eddy, Lady E, Eddy's business partner and his (the partner's) wife. "His wife": ah, how lightly those words trip off the pen. This woman is STUNNING, late 30's but could pass for ten years younger, South African, tall, slim, long black hair right down her back which she has a disturbing habit of just swishing, legs that just disappear and carry promise of unspeakable mysteries...... I've got to stop this, the computer's starting to feel disturbed. Also the desk is starting to tilt.
Of course I have to be particularly subtle in such glances which i cast in her direction: the business partners' code of ethics quite specifically bans all kinds of covetous behaviour towards wives and other sexual partners of business partners. Also he's a lot bigger than me..
So off we went to the town square in search of a restaurant whose proprietor had not been the recipient of Lady Eddy's recent wrath. Settled on a Thai restaurant, a felicitous choice from Eddy's perspective since he'd been casting glances at the daughter of the boss for some time now. And she was there, Nipa by name, lovely Thai girl with rimless minus fives, and she was looking particularly pulchritudinous.
So we sat out in the garden, surrounded by greenery and paintings of Thai village scenes and grotesque Thai gods and their protectors, eating moo yang and yam neua and panaeng, and drinking a cheeky little South African red, and casting glances at Nipa and generally feeling at one with the world.
And then it happened. Possibly it was the pollen from the bougainvillea, but suddenly my friend's wife's eyes started to water, and then go red, and then...... I can hardly bring myself to write it she removed her contacts (which I, klutz that I am, had never even noticed) and put on a litle pair of oval minus 4s. There IS a God!!!!!!! Unfortunately Lady E saw my hand trembling so there may be some serious consequences to be endured but she's still asleep and I can bask in the light of the happening for a little more time yet.
09 Dec 2002, 03:45
The New AirlineLately taken to flying around on a relatively new airline which (Lord be praised!) has reintroduced the concept of flight attendant as sex object. I mean I'm personally of sufficiently advanced years to find the average f.a.'s conversations about their pension plans fascinating but there are others......... And Lady E assures me that this is not a male chauvinist because "the boys are very cute too".
But even in this universe this morning's 2 hour hop was cosmic. A gwg score of no less than three out if four. Suzanne, mid 20s, black hair in a pony tail and navy blue plastic ovals, minus 4ish, Vee, maybe 19 with rimless. Aaaaah. But Madeleine was stunning and my fellow-traveller and I both awarded her a 10, a rare honor indeed. Basically she was Anna Kournikova with horn rims. Added to this was three Chinese girls, all gold rims, sitting in a row, a business type in her late 20s in a navy suit, very smart bobbed black hair and black rimmed metals, and a 30 something with half rims.
And then we got off the plane and lo and behold, the Avis lady was a gwg who was worth at least an 8.5, more black rimmed metals, about minus 4 or so. And to think I'd been contemplating putting the trip off.
05 Oct 2002, 00:53
The Emergency WardMentioned a week or so ago that the familie Eddy had had a bit of an encounter with the health system and attempted to enumerate some of the many exciting gwg sightings resulting therefrom. Well, it seems that we had a chance to follow up on these sightings. Unfortunately this time the patient was dear old Eddy himself.
It all started on Friday night........
Lady E had been performing her usual progress in the town square amongst the usual adoring throngs vainly attempting to touch the hem of her garment while Eddy cast sly glances at the surrounding gwgs. A most satisfying evening. But when we got back to Chateau Eddy, we discovered to our dismay that the gardening staff, all members of the same tribe of highlanders, had disappeared en masse to their icy homeland for the feast of the worship of the Equinox, leaving the garden looking decidedly short of moisture. So hard to get good help nowadays.
Now Eddy is a bit fussy about the Azaleas so, arming himself against the wildlife which is a bit life threatening in these parts, he took off through the undergrowth to adjust the watering system. In which process he took a false step, performed a PERFECT somersault, (I am not making this up. Lady E describes it precisely thus), bashed his head on a large rock, cut a swathe through spiky undergrowth and landed with a loud splash in a swimming pool some 15 ft below (fortunately not the one that had been emptied the day before).
Much wailing and external gnashing of teeth.
Double vision of Lady E, the Eddyettes and the cream of the female half of Northern Luzon running through the palms, vainly trying to staunch rivers of blood pouring from the Eddy scalp, hurriedly whispered instructions, a mad rush through darkened streets and there I was, back in the Emergency Department. Decided that since chance had thrown me into the arms of socialised medicine, the only possible way to get attention was to say that not only was I a shapeless mass of broken bones but I also had chest pains: yes, I know it’s a low act but we Chinese are like that. I blame Mendel.
But it worked and as I slipped in and out of the arms of Morpheus (actually in this case it was more probably Morphine), who should be gently nursing my head but the very same gwg nurse with black hair and narrow oblong plastic glasses whom I’d been observing the week before. Anna, it appears, is her name. And duty doctor was none other than the same Dr Ong of whom I’d become so deeply enamoured the week before. Call me Sandy, she lisped as the old blood pressure registered a new high. Oh, it really is the real thing this time. You see she was wearing her rimless with the highly polished edges and a short skirt which gripped her bum in a way which I’ve rarely seen. Or was it the morphine. Aaaaaaaaaaaah.
After much X raying and cat scanning (administered by a stunning Russian gwg doctor called Verushka) it was decreed that Eddy was suffering from a broken arm (now typing with one finger), "multiple abrasions" (just love that phrase!) and the healthiest heart around. Being an invalid has consolations, mainly associated with unlimited access to opium (aaah, those genes again) and the fact that on Tuesday I have to go back and have "Sandy" check the dressing
21 Sep 2002, 16:23
The Dowager Countess EddyBit of a crisis at Château Eddy yesterday. Lady E's mother, the Dowager Countess E, aged roughly 105, broke her hip. AND on the day that her full-time orthopaedic surgeon had his annual day off. So D C E was subjected to the indignities of the Emergency Department. And she was NOT a happy camper: much mumbling about how unfragrant the masses were and demands for personalised and immediate attention from the chief surgeon.
Lady E herself was less than the meek, happy-dispositioned ray of sunshine that we've come to know and love. Admittedly relations between the generations have always been a little strained but a shock's a shock and there is always the vexed question of positioning oneself for the inheritance should the old lady not pull through. There are others in waiting behind the arras...... Resultantly Eddy had to arm himself with an unusually large bag of gold to compensate the wounded and even the just deeply insulted as he followed her through the throng.
But every cloud....... Lots of excellent gwg watching. A nurse in a navy blue uniform and slim line black plastic rectangulars, minus 3 or so. An Arab woman, late 30s, accompanying her pregnant daughter, gold rimmed ovals with tortoiseshell arms, minus 2.5. A bit overblown but very nice. A motor bike accident victim giving a statement to suspicious looking police. Very sexy, 20ish, all in leathers, long black pony tail and prescription goggles like the ones in Dark Angel. OH yes! I myself am deeply in love with a young intern doctor, mid 20s with oval rimless minus 3s and a tag identifying her as Dr Ong.
08 Sep 2002, 21:23
A Turbulent EpisodeInteresting one yesterday. Lady E and I were being taken to the airport by shuttle bus. French woman in front of us, mid thirties, long black hair, largish bazongas almost hanging out of her flimsy green décolletage, very voluptuous, as Lady E put it, "in the mode of Nigella Lawson". In fact if she hadn't very obviously been a local and I hadn't heard her speaking perfect French I would have said that it was none other than the Domestic Goddess herself. And as we arrive at the airport she compounds the impression by slipping on a pair of rectangularish dark plastic -1.50s. OH yes!!
Not a lot of flights from our airport and who should be sitting in the seat in front of us........ Shortly afterwards we flew through the worst turbulence that I can recall in a long and seriously misspent life. You know the sort of thing, you look around and there are a couple of passengers glued to the ceiling, the perfectly round contents of a glass of red wine hanging there in space in apparent defiance of the usual laws of gravity. Lady E was tightly grasping my hand as she madly scribbled on odd pieces of paper with the other. And, oh joy of joys, my other hand which was on the seat in front of me, was being tightly squeezed by the apparition in front.
Then the turbulence stopped as suddenly as it started. The two on the ceiling landed rather roughly but without any apparent ill-effects. The red wine globule reversed trajectory and landed on someone's bald spot thus producing an immediate Mikhail Gorbachov birthmark. My companion from in front let go rather suddenly with much apology and tried sheepishly to look as if nothing had happened. Lady E stopped scribbling and started muttering something about how the Fetish Management Agreement of 1973 had stopped "well short of actual physical contact, or at least with other people". I asked what she'd been writing. Turned out that she'd been writing farewell messages on the analogy of a stricken Japanese plane in the 70s who wrote poems for their family before falling to their deaths. Further enquiries revealed that the slips of paper had in fact been instructions to various acolytes for the disposal of her political enemies.
And then we arrived at The City and our ways parted. Small community. Maybe we'll meet again. Watch this space
02 Aug 2002, 21:20
Multiple FetishesOops! I almost forgot one. Now I should preface this by saying that apart from the glasses this doesn't do it for me but I know that a lot of our community see things differently. I was sitting in the town square the other day discussing with Stavros the gene which makes it impossible for Greeks to make good pizza when a girl turned up who I hadn't seen for some years. Quite good looking girl with long blond hair and only one leg who propels herself around on steel crutches. In the several years since I'd seen her she had sprouted a VERY sexy pair of rimless glasses with polished edges (oh be still......) of, I would guess, about -10. Also had braces on her teeth and a hearing aid. As I said, the multiple disability thing doesn't do it for me but the glasses in themselves alone would deserve to be recorded.
02 Aug 2002, 21:11
At the BeachNice one on the beach this morning. Lady E and I were quietly demolishing some coffee and the Saturday papers combined with a little whale watching. Couple next to us, both early 30s, she with fairly strong prescription sunglasses. A long discussion between them whether she had better eyesight with her glasses on than he did without. Eddy's objective verdict was that she could do with a new prescription and that he probably couldn't see the whales jumping out of the water a couple of hundred yards away.
26 Jul 2002, 18:04
Shenzhen – At the BorderAt the Shenzhen Lowu border crossing. This really is a Zoo Completely inadequate for the couple of hundred thousand screaming shoving people who use it every day. Of course I was in the slow line. Bit of a lack of sense of urgency in our guy who carefully scrutinised every page of every passport. But every cloud.....
I was able to check out at leisure the border guard checking passports in the next queue. A Miss Chen, according to her name badge. They all have very smart new grey uniforms and you all know how much Eddy likes a woman in uniform. Mid 20s, very soignée, black hair tied in a ribbon behind her head and oval rimless about -4.00 with brown bridge and arms. Eventually I decided that she was doing four to each of our guy's one and flipped to the end of her line. Thus I was able to have a brief conversation about inconsequentialities and stare through her lenses. As general Macarthur said, "I shall return".
10 May 2002, 21:01
The Fetish Management AgreementWatching a program last night on satellite, China Central TV, about the history of Chinese rock (very interesting really) which was fronted by a lovely thirty something called Zhao Bin, nice gold rimmed ovals with SERIOUS rx at least in her right eye. Anyone know anything about her? Unfortunately Lady E was there and me taking out the old digital camera for a screen shot was way beyond the terms of the 1973 Eddy - Lady E Fetish Management Agreement.
27 Mar 2002, 13:17
At a Cocktail PartyInteresting one last night. Some time ago, Eddy was approached by a friend who stood to lose squillions (a technical term for "lots of money") on his investment in what is known elsewhere as a CLEC but in these parts is called a BJT (Beleaguered Junior Telco). It appears that, in the rather fraught atmosphere of the past couple of years, the company in question had discovered that if it even showed signs of sneezing the markets would shower it with money and not be particularly concerned about what was done with said funds. Regrettably this resulted in our company ignoring the most basic rule of business that you should, on average, sell your product for a higher price than you bought it for. Consequently, when we walked in the door, it was what is technically known as a Sorry Mess. The customers had stopped paying even the pittance that had been asked, a bailiff was lurking around every corner - you get the picture. Even the "secretaries" had started to get ugly, a previously unknown phenomenon in the dot-com business.
That was some time ago and Eddy is pleased to be able to announce that the crisis is over and the patient is stable. In consideration of this remarkable fact (and also because we felt like a drink) we decided to throw a cocktail party, the putative reason for which was to be the dedication of a small room as a Museum of Corporate Excess on the analogy of the Market of the Formerly Rich in Bangkok. It was all there, the racing car sponsorships, pictures of the corporate jets (we'd sold the originals), boxes full of unusable equipment etc. Taking pride of place was a selection of the personal expense claims of the previous CEO which at an average of $40,000 per month eclipsed anything that even Old Uncle Eddy had ever achieved, and that's not a small statement after Lady E's had a hard day in the boutiques.
A glimmering rather than a glittering occasion - anything else would have been out of keeping with the generally Uriah Heepian attitude that we'd been taking to things. $10 a bottle was our price point in wine and only standard domestic beer. But there were some truly stunning gwgs in attendance, so much so that I intend to have a small chat with my partners to see if there isn't some other OO in the closet. Pride of place was taken by a Goddess, late 20's, smart black suit with knife sharp creases, a cascade of auburn hair down to the middle of her back and rectangular black metal frames around a very serious rx. Looking at her I thought that she might be of the Hebraic persuasion but the name Yasmeen was suggestive of something more Arab. OH yes, it's the real thing this time! Turns out she's an auditor. Eddy immediately joined the Audit Committee, despite his great distaste for anything with numbers on it.
16 Jan 2002, 20:49
A Political DinnerA political dinner last night. Sort of understates it really. More like one of those dinners in 1930s gangster movies where the reps of the rival families get together for the elimination of someone they hate more than each other, i.e. many smiles accompanied by even more manoeuvering in order to avoid exposing an unexposed back. You probably know how it is. It appears that Lady E had received truce overtures from the leader of another faction in The Party. Something to do with the Great City Hall Coup d'Etat and General Unpleasantness of September during which Lady E and this selfsame former Bitter Enemy both conceived a deep hatred of a particular young acolyte of El Maximo Lider and decided to temporarily bury the hatchet, presumably in said acolyte's head. Be afraid, VERY afraid.
All of which meant that the impending visit was of no small significance to Lady E with painful consequences for the domestic staff. All day whips could be heard cracking throughout the house to the accompaniment of weeping, gnashing of teeth and imprecations to saints unknown outside the mountains of the northern Philippines. So by the time that the motorcade of black SUVs with darkened windows and motor bike outriders could been seen in the distance, everything was shining blindingly and several people were actually eating their dinners off the floor.
Eddy did his thing by shoe horning the guests through the not inconsiderable doors of Chateau E and installing them in the biggest chairs available on the balcony overlooking the ocean. You must understand that these people are BIG; so much so, indeed, that the female of the pair appears to have several microclimates all to herself. Then, in accordance with strict instructions, he emptied a bottle of the cheapest non-vintage that he could get away with ("Not so cheap that they think that I'm insulting them, not so expensive that they think I really like them". You follow instructions like that. Lives depend on it.) And then away down to the beach and our favorite restaurant. Lady E is a firm believer that walls talk but she won't give the staff any time off.
We were greeted at the door by the maitre d', Jean-Marie himself wearing a smile so big that I thought his face was about to fall in half. Lady E and I can't really match this pair when it comes to sheer bulk, but we have put in the odd hour at the trencher with quite pleasing results to the extent that a visit by such a quartet is the sort of thing that's the stuff of legends at the restaurateurs' annual convention. Soon we were firmly seated at a quiet table in the plotters' corner. And an excellent night of gwging it was. In the middle of the floor, a slightly overdressed mid 30s, diaphanous white blouse, slightly too long brown hair, good thick brown plastic ovals. At a table of 20s, black dress, straight red hair below the ears, black wire rimmed ovals, plus three or so. But pride of the night went to the next door table. Indeed Eddy was totally taken and is now a sighing wreck. She was with her husband, son and daughter. Husband definitely on the wrong side of forty, but the sickeningly healthy looking type, all grey hair, suntan and muscles, daughter abt 14, son abt 11 or 12. This would put her at mid 30s but she looked younger. Black trouser suit, a royal blue scarf around her neck, very soignée permed black hair and a beautiful pair of rimless minus 3s with gold arms. I was deeply smitten: fortunately my presence was purely ornamental because, apart from occasional smatterings of "Kill the little bastard", "I'll send MY boys round top straighten him out" etc, I was totally oblivious to the proceedings
07 Jan 2002, 16:16
To The Other BeachInteresting one yesterday. It all started when Lady E came in looking frazzled and a bit peaky after a hard day at the boutiques. Mind you I was a bit surprised at the readiness with which she agreed to my suggestion of a walk to The Other Beach - it's a stiff walk and dedication to the cultivation of the body is not a character trait for which Lady E is noted. However all became clear when there was a knock on the door revealing eight burly Nubian bearers carrying a sedan chair So off we went, Eddy most unusually leading the way with a machete and Lady E following close on his heels, lovingly wielding a small but elegant horse whip. Into the thick jungle we went, over rocks and up steep inclines, pausing only to dispatch the odd venomous reptile, up and over a rise and voila!! the deep blue ocean spread before us with long curved rows of white surf crashing onto a broad arc of pure white sand ending only at the next noble, jungle covered (but doubtlessly bloody exhausting) headland.
Now you have to understand that The Other Beach is Different. Lovely as the Chateau Eddy beach is, it's not really considered bon ton. The trouble is that most of its denizens are engaged in (shudder!) business. Add in the permanent surfer element, the drug dealers with whom they live in a state of perfect symbiosis and the Chinese Only beach and it's got just a bit of an edge.
Not so The Other Beach. No matter which of the London or New York law firms you're a partner of, you'll find something for you there. And an interesting lot the Allies and Portias are. Strictly hempen and homespun, lots of broad straw hats to keep of the equatorial sun, well-behaved children.....you get the picture. And a veritable cornucopia of gwg watching.
Lady E and I dispatched the Nubians and sat down nursing a couple of Mai Tais to check the scene. I should add at this juncture that lady E has developed the rather disconcerting habit of smearing her face with white sunblock and not quite rubbing it right in. It's a bit like sitting with Michael Jackson to the extent that several myopic children asked for her autograph. However.
Next to us was a lovely Ally, about 30 with blond bobbed hair and bronze oval sunglasses which, as she turned her head, revealed an rx of about -4. Walking along the beach just in front of us was an apprentice Portia in her mid 20s, long black hair under a big straw hat, an excellent body only just covered by an orange itsy bitsy and rectangular rimless glasses. Very nice. Next to us at a table no less than three 30s gwgs, one brown plastic oval, about -3, one gold and one sort of colorless plastic. All three were wearing matching T shirts (and I am not making this up) which displayed 1930s Penguin covers of various Virginia Woolfe novels. Amazing! Another at the next table but one had a T shirt which proclaimed that she had been at (and I translate) University Women's College at a date which was far too long gone to be displayable. But she was hot! The T shirt barely disguised her fine nipples and she was wearing the greatest pair of Buddy Holly retros.
All in all a fine days gwging. I'll probably be here for a bit since there's something of an impasse between your correspondent and Lady E....seems that when she dismissed the Nubians she had some idea that I'd take their place on the return journey....
01 Jan 2002, 12:37
On the BeachSeriously good sighting this morning. Being New Year and both of us being astounded that despite the ravages of even the best vintages we'd made it through another one, Lady E and I decided to take a constitutional. Not an easy thing since this is the main holiday time in these parts - not Christmas but the Feast of the Epiphany (Nya Bepana as it's called) gets the local juices flowing. The humidity drops to almost zero, the usual equatorial afternoon storms seem to take a brief holiday and our normally peaceful surrounds are invaded by the ten thousand. But mindless of the dangers of fraternisation, Lady E beat her way through the beach fray (including a very nice bobbed blond with an orange bikini and square rimless with a serious prescription)with yours truly following at a respectful distance and handing out compensation to the worst wounded. Then through the Chinese Only beach: at this juncture I should mention that Eddy, as a sophisticated citoyen du monde, spurns such provincial racism and never uses it. Mind you, there's the added factor that it's a well-known fact that we Chinese are considered by sharks to be prime meat and personally I've always felt more comfortable swimming behind a solid line of non-comestibles. Then through the picnicking Filipinos, a long line of Korean fisherpersons and there she was. Standing like an oriental Venus beside a boiling cauldron of surf, a 20 something Chinese girl in a blue bikini and open sleeveless white cotton shirt, long black hair tied back behind her swan-like neck and round rimless glasses of a considerable minus rx. Oh, and yes, a particularly spotty boyfriend. She could do so much better for herself.....
19 Nov 2001, 00:00
In CourtStill in court. My lovely Inspector persists with her glasses. Aaah. There IS a God. It's not a sexist statement but I have to say that she is the most unusual Inspector (apart from being the only one that I ever fell in love with) in that if her mini skirt was any shorter you'd be able to see her navel ring (which I'm sure she's got).
Meanwhile my little juror, who I now know is called Miss Li, has been promoted to Foreman of the jury. This means that I have to strain my neck a bit to get a look at her (she's moved to the Foreman's position in the jury box) but it allows me to see that her glasses are quite strong, possibly over -7.
To top off a week of cosmic events, I had dinner on Saturday night with a former colleague for whom I've always had a soft spot. Suddenly she announced to me that she now had glasses, sure proof, I must say, of the positive power of prayer since this had been a fantasy of mine for some years. And then she put them on. As we Chinese say, Aaaaaaaiiiiiyaaaah!!!!! Of course she didn't need them at all since she had only -0.5 in one eye and was another victim of HK's notoriously unscrupulous optical shops who can and do prescribe at will. GOCs take note. Just wander down to your local optical shop, buy a few packs of +6 Acuvue and write your own prescription on the back of a dirty piece of paper and all will be delivered in a couple of days.
And she looked magnificent. I think that I've managed to convince her that she really should wear them all the time because she was taking this advice this morning when I dropped into the office.
Then, and this is truly ridiculous, wandering down Queensway at lunchtime, who should I see again but my own Ally McBeal wearing yet another pair of her (obviously large) wardrobe, this time with a slight pink tint.
16 Nov 2001, 00:48
In CourtMore from the legal frontier. This hasn't been the most exciting of weeks from the Eddy perspective having been spent mainly sitting around with my finger firmly inserted in various cavities of my body. Seems that the defence was holding proceedings up on the most spurious pretexts imaginable, such as having to send an audio tape to Thailand for processing. Actually it was only this morning that I realised what it was all about. As I made my way to the court I was surrounded by literally hundreds of brides and grooms in their nuptial finery. Clearly it was an auspicious day and the defendant wanted to ensure that Lady Luck was with him.
And a great gwg day it was. It started off as I was sitting outside the court waiting for the jury to be empaneled. A young Chinese Ally McBeal sat down beside me waiting for her case to start in another court. And very nice she was, late twenties, a black suit, shiny black stockings on extremely shapely legs, high heeled black suede shoes, long sleek black hair neatly tied back with a bow. Altogether a picture. I was sitting there fantasising about what she'd look like......when all of a sudden she whipped out a pair of rimless with black arms and perched them on her nose. An auspicious day indeed, I thought.
Things only got better as I started giving evidence. My lovely Inspector had apparently succumbed to her contacts which had been replaced by a pair of black plastic ovals, a bit like the ones on "Legally Blonde". And she wasn't joking about the thickness. I gave her a few encouraging words in the faint hope that she'd keep it up. Looks like being a long trial. Next to the defence counsel was his junior, another Chinese Ally only this time her titanium ovals were quite nicely offset by her horsehair wig. We still go in for these things in HK. And to top it off, there in the front row of the jury was a very nice late twenties with shoulder length hair, a brown suede jacket over a brown mini skirt and oblong rimless glasses. They are probably about -6 or so, certainly strong enough for me to make sure that I address every word of my evidence directly to her. What was that about not tampering with jurors?
14 Nov 2001, 02:15
In CourtMy God, it just never stops. The case was adjourned early this morning so at something of a loose end I decided to wander round the old town. And who should I run into but one of the great gwgs of all time; a law partner in one of the big American firms. I still have vivid memories of being on the other side of the table from her on a deal some years ago, almost a personal disaster for yours truly since every (Cambridge accented) word that dropped from her ruby red lips seemed at the time to me to be entirely reasonable, resulting in some serious consequences for my own organisation. Aaaaaah...... Sensuous long black hair framing horn rimmed glasses (which for you power freaks were definitely about -10) perky tits straining at the sheer black silk of her blouse..... Concentration on the matter at hand was entirely out of the question. No wonder I nearly got the sack.
And this morning, as I was wandering along Queensway, what should I hear but a cheery "Hello, Eddy". Ah yes, totally unravaged by the years (unlike Eddy, unfortunately), hair a little shorter a smart grey suit with a skirt just short enough to set off those lovely legs. The horn rims had been replaced by a very nice set of super thin rimless with a slight purple tint and those fantastic polished edges.
13 Nov 2001, 20:40
To Hong KongEddy's virgin post to the new ES! Damn, this feels good!
First sightings. On a plane going to Hong Kong where old uncle Eddy is to be a witness (for the prosecution, I'm pleased to say) in a criminal trial. Some interesting gwg activity on the plane. Two seats in front of me, Chinese girl, thirty-something, chin length black hair (used to be a given but nowadays.....), disappears into the washroom and comes back with a pair of very lovely black ovals. Hmmmmm. things are looking up. Then another similar but with much longer hair goes through the same routine only the outcome is silver ovals. Lovely, and made all the more enjoyable by the fact that we had a choice of not one but two excellent gwg movies, viz. Bridget Jones's Diary and Legally Blonde. Have expounded at length in another place about Bridget J, especially in the matter of the New York Office rep who is caught in a compromising position wearing nothing but a pair of very nice black square-rims. Great movie and very funny. For those who haven't seen it, can also strongly recommend Legally Blonde, especially for the scenes where the very sexy heroine appears in a sort of very serious thick black oval number. See it!
Second sighting, sitting in a Wanchai bar practicing my Tagalog with a young Filipina hetaera. The young temptress suddenly bent over and took my glasses and put them on herself, firmly declaring that they were "the same as hers". And she looked stunning (or so it appeared although I will admit I was a little tired and emotional at the time). I have promised some serious blandishments if she wears them on our date on Friday night. Will report further.
Third sighting. Th HK police, hot in pursuit of a balanced budget, have put me in a hotel which, albeit very convenient to houses of easy virtue, lacks refinement. So when I went down on monday morning to meet the new Inspector in charge of the case, it was something of a surprise to a veritable diamond shining amid the dross. About thirty, lovely long black hair and an easy manner, made all the better by glimpses of contact lens rims. She complained bitterly about her new lenses and said that she would probably be forced back to her glasses, but they were "so thick". Watch this space.
6 May 2001
A Political DinnerFunny you should mention that, Portia. It coincides with an experience of mine on Friday night. Basically, while I'd been off getting a gwg booster shot in Hong Kong, Lady E had been continuing her attempt to enter the Guinness book of records in the "Largest Negative Cash-flow" category. I arrived home to find several trucks lined up outside the door taking away the cash she had been required to part with in order that we could front up at a Gala Wine Vintage Launch on Friday night. Seems that it was "critical for political advancement" and that the woman who had invited us was "close to El Maximo Lider". Well, it seemed that there WAS some extra good wine to be drunk so, what the hey! I put down the divorce petition and, with a quick note to polish up the jackboots, essential when the Maximo Lider is involved, went of to dust off the tiara. Regular readers will recall that I'm required to wear this in my capacity as Lady Mayoress. aspect of our journey.
And a gala occasion it certainly was with black-tied men and bejewelled women (Lady E would have been among them if she hadn't been forced to hock the family gold and diamonds to buy a ticket). The Maximo's acolyte was slightly less threatening than usual: an occasional glimpse of charm even slipped out, only to be immediately ruthlessly suppressed. And the super vintages flowed like water. But for the gwg watcher it was like the middle of the Sahara. As Portia said, they just weren't putting them on. As a vintage gwg watcher I've been accustomed to slyly glancing around rooms until I'd finally catalogued and arranged them in order of pulchritude but there was nothing there! O, quel desastre!!.
However late in the evening as I desperately trolled around the nooks and crannies I found a sighting which made it worthwhile. Hidden deep in the corner of the Ballroom was a table of decidedly Mediterranean appearance gesturing wildly at each other in Arabic. It was late in the evening and the signature Cabernet Sauvignon had taken a firm grip. And among them was a Goddess with silken black tresses dressed in diaphanous black lace and bright red frames with black highlights. I was so overjoyed after hours of fruitless search that I almost came out.
You're right, Portia, something should be done about this.!
12 October 2000
Eddy has now recovered sufficiently to break his silence about the kangaroo (and, indeed, camel) infested deserts of Central Australia and is pleased to be able to report that there's absolutely nothing there.
We drove and we drove and we drove, Eddy doing Juan Fangio imitations on absolutely empty roads and Lady E acting as at least mistress of all she surveyed. In the 5000 miles between Sydney and Sydney there were four towns of more than five thousand people. In fact after about three days of what our guide book described as "mulga scrub with Mitchell grass understory", Lady E lost her usual composure and accused me of being "barking mad from an insane family" to embark on such a venture. (Of course I totally reject such baseless accusations. My sister, the Hon. Eddyna has had the number of her multiple personalities stabilised at five. Hummmph!) So, as you can imagine, the general lack of non marsupial life made gwg sightings a less than salient aspect of our journey.
I chose to ignore the advice of my Australian friends to avoid Sydney during the insanity of the Olympics. This was because I noticed that Don Giovanni was playing at the Sydney Opera House. Always a favorite with the experience severely enhanced by the venue. And it turned out to be gwg Central. I can't remember when I last saw so many gwgs in one place and I'm a Honky. Sitting there expectantly before the overture, I heard those magic words from right behind me "I don't wear them all the time, only for the movies or the theatre", a true Goddess, probably Chinese but with a strangely discordant Australian accent. To my left was a 30ish blond with rimless glasses about -3, in front of me were several others. Then at interval we went to the bar and even though this was in a truly spectacular setting with a full glass window overlooking Sydney harbour, there were so many stunning gwgs that I hardly had time to appreciate the view. In fact the very memory of it is so disturbing that I must stop immediately.
11 September 2000
In Central AustraliaWhat on earth is going on in het land? All joined a monastery? All taking argaiV (think about it)? Well, in the interests of keeping things going, one last post before I set out for the kangaroo infested deserts of Central Australia. Down at a park at one of the local bays yesterday. Lovely spot, heavily wooded hills going straight down into deep blue water, large mansions of a size I wouldn't have dreamt of in HK, a 19th Century College building on a high headland looking out to sea, Mallard ducks and cormorants floating about, sun shining, 25C, God in his Heaven. You get the picture.
I was actually sitting on a bench with one of the Eddyettes helping her with a College assignment. She has problems with one of the critical subjects in her business degree, viz. Greed 1.01 (is that what you're studying, Meganekko?).
Suddenly an apparition slipped into my field of vision. Twenty something, denim shorts, a white T shirt with "Retirementland Nacional University" on the front of it, short bobbed black hair and retro Buddy Holly black plastic glasses, about minus 5. Lovely stuff which set the aging ticker all aflutter. She had been backing a boat trailer with a 15 footer down the boat amp into the water and was unable to drive out because low tide had exposed the slippery bit and she couldn't get traction. Ah, a damsel in distress! Since RNU is one of my almae matres,I quickly slung a length of towrope of the back of the Eddyorial BMW and had her out in a flash with much smiling, bowing and exchange of addresses. Afterwards Eddyette 2 said hang on Ah Ba (Chinese for Dad), you've just told me that it's a basic principle of Greed 1.01 that goods and services are exchanged for money, not smiles. This gave me the opportunity to explain that money is but a store of value which takes many other forms such as fluttering hearts etc.........
25 August 2000
On Rickie LakeMay have to move to one of the other threads after this one. Watching Ricky Lake this afternoon (MUST get a job). Topic was something along the lines of "he wants to be a she". Get the picture. Star was a truly stunning transsexual, about 20, with black hair swept back in a bun, tight white t shirt, jeans and black octagonal glasses. Very nice. Problem was that her boyfriend was getting into her hormone pills and wanted to turn it into a lesbian (?) relationship. Ah, wildlife in the suburbs!
13 August 2000
At the Filipino MarketWent down to the local Filipino market yesterday. We had some people for lunch and I was keen to make some kare-kare. My little friend Carmencita with whom I practice my Tagalog blessed me by abandoning her contacts for the day and wearing oval rimless glasses. A rare but most exciting event!
See you all in three weeks time.
8 August 2000
At the MallSaturday morning at the Mall. Of course Chateau Eddy has everything that the heart could possibly desire but it's occasionally necessary to recharge the spiritual batteries with a bit of conspicuous consumption. Lovely clear morning, 24 degrees C (or 75 degrees F for the unenlightened). Lots of luscious sightings. At a cosmetics stall, probably Armenian (-anian is a popular surname suffix around here), 30ish, tall, slim, long black hair tied in a ribbon at her neck, a bit prominent in the nasal area as befits her provenance, dark blue rectangular titanium frames, low plus as cosmetics ladies often seem to be. At the discount pharmacist (don't you just love them), another Armenian, mid 20s, short in stature but long of hair, blue uniform trimmed with white, dark brown oval plastic glasses. minus 3 or so. At the optical shop, two lovely little Chinese girls, first a Mainlander whose badge announces her as "Bao", most likely Shanghainese who predominate around these parts, Black oval frames, the second a Honky called Catrina. Not particularly good looking but with rimless glasses with polished edges, very thick with lots of cylinder. In the jeans shop, a real stunner, ginormous bazongas straining against the fabric of her skinny rib....ooops, I've been reading too much Mills and Boone. Dark brown hair gathered in a ribbon at the top. Nice dark brown plastic rectangular glasses.
After this I had coffee with the mayor of our metropolis. He's after a new municipal slogan and I was keen to show him a picture I'd taken in Thailand of one called the "city of nice people". Absolutely no sense of humor when he's sober (but I got him again after lunch). Serving us was litle Orphan Annie herself. Voluminous red curls and bright red oval glasses, minus 3. Felt a sudden desire to become Daddy Warbucks.
31 July 2000
The Croesus ClubA cryptic one for you Meganekko. Sitting in the Croesus Club last night nursing an XO when I noticed two waitresses. One was a black lady, about 30 with very nice rimless glasses and the other appeared to be Indian. And they were talking a strange language which upon enquiry turned out to be Fijian. Most interesting and if other Fijian women are like this one then the country might bear out some investigation.
30 July 2000
A Lebanese RestaurantMany of you will know that since his retirement Eddy has been dragged kicking and screaming into politics, albeit in a highly peripheral way. Lady Eddy's constant wielding of the threat of Lasik surgery as a sanction for non-compliance has been a powerful weapon against our natural reluctance to participate. But we don't like it. It was therefore with a degree of dismay that we received the news, as we sat nursing our port in the Croesus Club, that Friday night would be a Mayoral Dinner. So Friday Evening found Eddy, Lady E and the Eddyettes comfortably ensconced in the local Lebanese Restaurant in the Town Square shovelling kofta, hommous and olives into our respective faces. All of which was fine until the evening's entertainment arrived in the form of a belly dancer. And a most unusual one. To start with, she was actually an Arab, a sharp contrast to what is usual in the Gulf where they are all Russians. I would like to be able to describe what she was wearing but there wasn't much of it. But she was wearing the loveliest pair of Air Titanium rimless glasses with blue arms. All of which was deeply disturbing to yours truly and in combination with the very sensuous wiggling of her hips contributed to a discernable cranking up of the Eddyorial testosterone. This would have been fine if I'd been able to remain in the background. Unfortunately I was sitting opposite the Mayor, i.e. in between him and the dancer (who was called Marie, as we subsequently discovered). Now you must understand that the Mayor had just finished a six hour lunch, a lunch of current and former mayors called the Roosters and Feather Dusters lunch. He is not an abstemious man at the best of times but after six hours of conviviality he was well away and was trying to get me to insert a ten Dollar bill into the dancer's bra. Now don't get me wrong; I've done it but not usually with Lady E and the Eddyettes watching. So I was able to refuse but any pretence of quiet and relatively anonymous enjoyment of this highly stimulating scene was impossible. Most unfortunate but I'd rate it a 15 on the modified Eddy scale of 10.
19 July 2000
Le SkiEddy has been skiing - in Chile no less! Great fun and some excellent sightings. Of which by far the one which most cranked up the old testosterone was in a bar where we were restoring the blood/alcohol equation with a gallon or two of gluhwein. This was a truly angelic apparition, probably American with a white (very) mini-skirt, a black blouse unbuttoned far beyond a level which could be considered decent. Must have been staying in the hotel because she'd have frozen her nipples off if she'd walked outside in that. Sensible but oddly sexy flat black shoes, great swathes of long blond hair in the manner of Caroline Kennedy (if that means anything to anybody) and (and this is where I dissolve) small black plastic oval glasses with a quite high minus. Hermosisima!!!!!!!!! In fact I blame concentration on her rather than the matter in hand for subsequent events. Highly recommend skiing in Chile. I'll certainly be back as soon as the bones knit.
26 May 2000
In ManilaAaaargh Sam, don't do it. We need you. apart from any minor considerations, eddy considers your Shania Twain wallpaper to be the apogee of spectacular art.
Now that we've got that off our chest, Eddy needs to announce that all true lens-watchers should do everything in their power to join him this week at the Hard rock Cafe in Manila where the dubiously named house band, "Bad Cats" is fronted by a veritable Goddess. 20 something Filipina with painted-on stage clothes and heavy 60s style black plastic glasses. Couldn't se the prescription in the dark, indeed there may not be any glass in them but that only adds to the excitement as far as I'm concerned. Fortunately not even she was the most stunning gwg on the set: thanks to the age-old Chinese custom of concubinage, Eddy had brought his own. but more of that later.
8 May 2000
More Peripatetic Postings from Eddy. Back in Bangkok for the first time in several months, and I am pleased to report that Bangkok, specifically Patpong, remains a Mecca for those who like to spot professional gwgs. Spotted last night: in Kings Castle, a go-go dancer (does anybody use this phrase any more), short black hair matched by 60s style black plastic glasses, about -2 I would guess. In Kiss, a nicely proportioned dancer with long black hair down to the middle of her back, nicely matched by black oval glasses, about -1.50. Great stuff!
2 April 2000
At the TheatreEddy was at the theater this weekend. This may not strike you as anything remarkable but you must understand that we Hong Kong people don't normally do things like that (being far too busy in our counting houses counting out our money. With the greatest respect to Julian and our colleagues on the OTHER thread, the definition of a Hong Kong "queer" is a man who finds women more interesting than money.) So you can imagine that it required quite an effort to move Eddy off in this direction. Actually it was Eddy's myopic consort who heaved him off his floating seat in the pool where he was firmly ensconced with a Tequila Sunrise muttering something about her "political prospects" and threatening DIRE CONSEQUENCES, specifically a visit to the Lasik vision clinic if Eddy didn't immediately get his rear end into gear.
Aaaaaargh!!! Anything but that!
So it was thus that we found ourselves at the theater, Mrs. Eddy the statutory two paces in front and Eddy frantically looking around for something on the gwg front to make this a fruitful outing. Plenty to look at. On stage there was a trumpet player, twenty something with 1920s style getup and glasses, a bit too far to be able to ascertain the rx but very easy on the eyes. In the stalls, Eddy was sitting next to the organiser of the party who turned out to be none other than the bespectacled temptress who had been flirting with him at lunch in the square some weeks ago. And, as we say here in retirement land, she was really tarted up. Glasses looked great, a good minus 6 on closer examination. Bur essentially mutton dressed as lamb. On the other side was a lady of un certain age who we'd been watching for some time and who gave us one of those magic moments as she slipped on her roundish tortoiseshell glasses. Don't you just love those moments.
However there was none of Eddy's heart left for these ladies, lovely though they were, because it had been stolen forever in a single moment. 20 something with very spiky shiny short black hair, a dark blue silk dress about 6 inches above the knee and, at the top showing most of a generous set of knockers topped off by rectangular navy blue glasses about minus 4. And black silky stockings that went absolutely all the way up.
After the play, since we were only a short drop kick from Chinatown, we decided to shake off a bit of the cleanliness of retirement land and get a bit of good old Chinese squalor. So down a couple of alleys, kicking aside garbage and the odd rat and soon we felt entirely at home again in an excellent noodle house with the usual crowd of people screaming at the top of their voices, dropping the volume only occasionally to let the dulcet tones of Cantonese pop songs slip through from the karaoke.
Finished up singing a duet (Zai Yu Zhong for those interested) with a lady who not only had the voice of a nightingale but also gold rectangular glasses. Wonderful. Watch this space.
23 March 2000
St Patrick’s DayOops!!! Things are like the tomb here! In the interests of not letting the heterosexual side of things slide off the edge of the earth here let me record a couple of sightings of last week. St. Patrick's day is a big deal here in retirementland so, as the world's leading Chinese Irishman, I decided to give it a run. Went off to the local town square for dinner but found it too crowded so made a booking and went to the pub for a couple of Kilkennies waiting for a vacancy to open. Fell into conversation with a couple of young lovely Maltese gwgs (echoes of another place!!) called Maria and Paula. Early 20s in each case, both with rimless glasses, low minuses. Very nice but one is always limited by the fact that they were former schoolmates of Eddy's daughters who were also present. Life's a bitch and then you die! Also a very lovely barmaid with a black and white uniform and black plastic oval glasses which made me squirm.
Finally judged that my table was ready and wandered back to the square to claim my place. Lovely balmy night. Stavros had got us a great gwg watching spot and there was plenty to look at. A table or so away there was a 30 something woman with rimless glasses with royal blue arms who totally captured my attention until two true stunners arrived and sat down (thanks, Stavros) right next to us. I strongly suspect that they were on leave from the massage parlor just up the road.
Number one had kinky red hair down to the middle of her back, a black dress which showed off a nice pair of tits and gold oval glasses. No. two had similarly kinky hair but black with a revealing red silk top and similar oval gold glasses. More than most could cope with on the average day. Added to which, on the other side of the square was another gwg with square plastic frames that seem to have become popular around here lately. I nearly choked on my wine on several occasions.
12 February 2000
The Mayoral LunchSorry to hog the site but there are important matters to record. Your correspondent has spent the afternoon at the unlikely venue of a mayoral lunch. It appears that Eddy's dusky and myopic consort has entered local politics, in consequence of which one found oneself doing Denis Thatcher imitations walking a respectful two paces behind her ladyship denying personal political ambition and generally dispensing vicarious largesse. The lunch took the form of an en plein air pig out in the town square and given that it was an incredibly hot day (high thirties C or over 100F) you can imagine that far too much of the local poison was ingested all round. At a certain stage, I discovered myself exchanging glances with a very sexy lady of more than a certain age (but who am I to argue) with a striking pair of rectangular tortoiseshell glasses, and when we got to talking it became clear that, if we wanted to, this could turn into something else. Which, given the dynamics of small communities and your correspondent's residual sanity, it probably won't. But at my age with the added attraction of very clear minus 4 it was pretty nice as a drunken hot afternoon's flirtation.
10 February 2000
Bleu MinuitPretty dry period lately. However I was sitting by the beach having breakfast this morning when I noticed a few tables away an apparition in a cream colored bikini, long black hair parted in the middle with a fringe and the loveliest very dark blue ("bleu minuit" as the French say) rectangular plastic glasses. It was a very hot morning and the added excitement of this sighting sent your correspondent quite tachycardiac.
2 January 2000
Premier GWG Watching SpotsHappy new year, or as we say in Hong Kong, san lin faai lok!! And there is great new year news to report. Eddy is retiring. His ill-gotten gains have been safely squirreled away in the appropriate Carribean and Pacific Island fortresses and it's goodbye to wage slavery. Tonight he will leave Chek Lap Kok on the freedom plane. Destination undisclosed - suffice to say that his northerly aspect is desirable from a real estate perspective and he can feel the sand between his feet already. I'll check in from time to time but as a parting gift (from HK at least) let me set out the best gwg watching spots in Hong Kong for as yet undeclared Honky gwg watchers or any future visitors to the world's gwg capital.
1 MTR Central station concourse at morning and evening peak, i.e. 9am and 6:15 pm. On the principle that there are more gwgs as a proportion of the population than anywhere else in the world, and these are the consistently most crowded places in the world, this must qualify as the world's top gwg watching spot.
2 Causeway Bay on Saturday night, say 8pm for similar reasons.
3 Ditto for Nathan Rd. Tsimshatsui, but on any night of the week from 9pm until about 1am.
4 Lan Kwai Fong on Friday nights from about 7pm until late. Here you can observe European office gwgs, or gwaipo as we call them, drinking in the street. Always something to see.
5 Statue Square on Sunday. This involves Filipina maid gwg watching which is a specialised subject requiring a separate post.
6 If you are extremely rich and foolish, there several bars in Lockhart Rd Wanchai where the Filipina hetaerae (should that be hetairai? Classicists please advise) will admit to wearing glasses and even put them on for you in intimate circumstances.
7 TST waterfront on Sunday mornings where a strange Protestant sect meets in large numbers to declaim at the harbor and the Peak with much waving of Bibles. For some reason, doubtlessly related to God's providence, there is an unusually high number of quality gwgs amongst them.
Finally, my personal award for the HK gwg who has constantly caused my juices to flow for the longest time is to the pharmacist at Watson's in the China Entertainment Building. She usually wears contacts but those rare occasions when she slips on the glasses make the waiting worthwhile. Check her out if you're in town.
30 November 1999
In Istiklal CaddesiA bit peripatetic this week, in Istanbul from whence I'd love to be able to report lots of luscious sightings but strangely there were hardly any women on the streets. Perhaps a bit more exciting for our friends who kick with the other foot. However there were two which were definitely worthy of note. Monday lunchtime on Istiklal Caddesi, the main shopping drag, a student, truly stunning, long long black hair, waving in the breeze, black pants and high heels and tortoiseshell glasses with narrow frames but wide arms (does that make sense?). A paragon of Turkish womanhood. I tried to sneak a photo of her with my smart new digital camera but with the general lunchtime confusion and my jet-lag, it came out a bit fuzzy. But she's so good that I might post it somewhere at any rate if anybody's interested.
The other one was on my flight to London yesterday, slightly slutty looking in an intriguing sort of way with long hennaed hair, all in black wih lots of paste jewellery hanging from various extremities and big gold oval glasses. She was about 30 and British to judge by the passport she was waving around. Your correspondent was feeling, as W C Fields would say, a little weary after the affairs of the day, but this one certainly got the juices going again.
25 November 1999
A Beijing PersonalI must record the following "personals" ad which appeared in the throw away magazine "Beijing Scene" last week: "I saw you Friday night at The Den. Your silver headband caught my glance and your purple and black glasses made me wet my pants. Our eyes met across the hazy bar, I'm too shy, had to stare from afar. Don't leave me longing you beautiful girl! Email etc. etc. etc." The "wet my pants" suggests Sapphic alternatives but, as Richie Cunningham would say, what the hey! We have an expatriated brother or sister in the frozen north. If you're reading this, how about a post.
22 November 1999
GWG Sightings PastAh, yes, "a long time ago in a galaxy far away.........". After a lifetime of gwg ogling, I still have vivid memories of two girls with whom I used to catch a bus to school. By elimination this must have been 1960 when I would have been a pubescent mass of erectile tissue (how things have changed).You must understand that I never had the courage to engage either of these girls in conversation so anything I learnt of them was through third parties. The first was a girl by the unlikely name of Mavourneen who was probably about 14 at the time and who I thought had been sent specially. Her outstanding feature was a pair of those trapezoid-cat's eye type glasses which were fashionable in the late 50s and early 60s. In her case, they were a sort of purple color which for some four years I admired from afar. The other one was a little Egyptian girl called, as I subsequently discovered through a mutual friend, Lily Mifsud. She had wonderful cats-eye glasses with a blue top and a clear plastic bottom. Where are they now, I wonder. It's still fun to ogle but somehow the whole thing doesn't have quite the intensity that it had in pubescence.
22 November 1999
At a ConcertSome more travels. I was at a concert in Beijing this week, sitting next to a Chinese woman of un certain age, very smart looking, tall, slim, short hair and an elegant navy pin-striped pants suit. I don't know about the rest of you but I seem to have developed second sight or at least some type of instinct in these circumstances but sure enough, as soon as the lights went down, out came the rimless glasses with gold arms and bridge. About minus three, I would say. God knows how she gets around without them. But very elegant. Rimless is definitely the mode in Beijing. Check out one of the girls at the perfume counter of the Beijing Dept. Store in Wangfujing. Lovely slightly hennaed pony tail and gold rimless glasses. Outstanding.
Afterwards, since I had a couple of spare days, I decided to go back to Hong Kong by train. This is a very relaxing 24 hour trip which I used to do regularly but haven't done for many years. Sharing a compartment with me were a young couple in some sort of private business (doubtlessly illegal) from north-east China on the first leg of a holiday in Hong Kong, Macau and Thailand. She was about 23 and very well assembled. About 1 hour into the journey, out came her contacts and on went a pair of gold oval glasses, about minus 4. Her friend looked pretty capable of handling himself which meant that the remainder of the trip was spent trying to steal furtive glimpses of her.
Also, the week before last I was in Melbourne. I don't know if any of you have been lucky enough to visit that wonderful city but I can think of few things I would rather do than sit on the lawn by Prince's Bridge on a perfect Spring day and watch the seemingly endless procession of truly stunning gwgs. Quality and quantity were both as good as I've seen anywhere (with the possible exception of Karntnerstrasse in Vienna which definitely wins the world gold medal)
21 November 1999
On PatpongI am pleased to be able to report a cosmic happening. Many years ago, the bars of Patpong, Bangkok's famed street of joy, were unique in that it was common for the ladies to wear their glasses while dancing on the stage. In the case of second and third floor bars, this meant while they were dancing naked on the stage. And these ladies were "Available", i.e., for a small exchange of valuable consideration it would be possible to transfer your posting to the "sex with girls with glasses" thread. Unfortunately, Patpong went the way of all flesh until by about five years ago, glasses wearing had all but disappeared, at least on stage. Well, I'm very pleased to be able to report that it's back! In a necessarily brief expedition to the city of angels last week, I was able to observe no less than five gwgs on stage: King's Castle III, a danseuse called Mi, black oval plastic glasses, Kiss, name Lyam or something similar, black oval metallic glasses, a bit challenged on the pulchritude front, In the same bar, a waitress who I didn't get to talk to, gold oval glasses, very nice and available, judging by the little plastic number she was wearing, In King's Corner, the pick of the crop, a short haired girl in her mid 20s named Natan, oval shaped royal blue plastic glasses. She keeps them on her head to dance but I can assure you that she'll put them on for you if you ask politely. Incidentally, a word of caution about King's Corner. It is well-known on the street in Bangkok that when the whips are cracking, a significant proportion of the "girls" in Kings Corner aren't girls but what the Thais call "katoey" or lady-boys. Be warned At King's Castle II, my old friend Jaeng who, having reached the ancient age of 28, is now the mama-san. She has new oval grey metallic glasses and a new prescription of minus 4 and looks great.
16 October 1999
In ShenzhenThree sightings to record. Saturday morning, Shataukok border crossing, Shenzhen, mid-20s, a tour guide barking commands in attack-dog Cantonese to her tobacco smoke enveloped mainland tourist group, just back from a few days of rapine and pillage in Hong Kong shops to judge from their piles of booty. She, black hair in a rather insecure looking perm, jeans, the compulsory orange t-shirt, black metallic oval glasses, except very small, for you high minus fans, she is definitely a high myope, the small lenses give the effect of pebbles or rather flashing diamonds with tiny eyes behind them.
Again Saturday at my meeting, Shenzhen city centre, she is the head of the International Dept. of one of the big Chinese banks, brought there to tell lies about how much money will be available if we do the deal, looks about late 20s although her exulted position suggests mid 30s, name is Qian meaning "money", surely appropriate! Medium height, tan colored dress and jacket with black polka-dots in that slightly diaphanous material beloved of mainland women, medium length black hair clipped up behind her head in a style which is more playful than severe, four inch high heels in a style which was called F M shoes way back when your correspondent was a boy silver oval glasses, not the fashionable small ones but big enough to get a good look out of, continually crossing and uncrossing her legs thus exposing acres of stockinged thigh which makes it difficult to concentrate on the matter in hand. Finally her turn to talk arrives which is good because it allows me to ogle her directly rather than sneaking furtive glances
Third sighting, this morning (Sunday) in my favorite noodle shop. She is Japanese but doesn't look it, Okinawan perhaps, early 20s, jeans, a white t-shirt with the legend (I swear this is true) "Sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me", a blue checked shirt pen over it, bobbed slightly permed and slightly hennaed hair, over all a pleasant rather than striking impression, but to my excitement I notice that she is toying with a pair of largish round tortoiseshell glasses, a style that we see too little of but which always gets my juices flowing.
In the DesertA couple more sightings from the same trip. In a 4 wheel drive convoy in the desert outside Dubai, her French says she is totally Parisian but she and her companions look decidedly Arab, perhaps North African or more likely Lebanese, long black curly hair flying everywhere, denim shorts that seem to be spray painted on, short top that shows a very nice midriff, delightfully slatternly really, great glasses, cats eye shape, tortoiseshell arms and top, gold bridge and bottoms. For you high minus fans, I would guess she was about minus 10. Takes off her glasses to be photographed (with a camel!!). Ah, vanitas vanitatum. At a barbecue in the desert, sitting in a Bedouin tent, a demure English girl, mid 20s, medium length blonde hair in a pony tail, squarish grey metal glasses.
27 September 1999
A Cosmic EventA series of cosmic coincidences in Hong Kong (where my computer lives). I am sitting in my favorite noodle shop having my usual bowl of breakfast juk (which for those of you who don't know is rice with the consistency of glue - the excitement comes from what you put in it). Sitting opposite me is a very striking Chinese girl, Taiwanese by the sound of her, medium length black hair, wonderfully trim body, red mini dress emphasizing her truly fantastic legs which appear to terminate roughly in the vicinity of her armpits, oval rimless glasses, Hoya lenses with highly polished edges, something which always causes me to dissolve. Probably about -7. Lunch time in my favorite dim sum restaurant and there she is again at the next table (and this in a city of 7 million people). Between waves of unremitting lust I reflect on the clear mismatch between the effects of gluttony on her waistline and mine. Five o'clock, I go downstairs to meet my driver to go to the Airport and who should be standing there, bags all packed obviously waiting for her own driver to take her to the same place! Is this fate?
26 September 1999
At Singapore AirportA couple of sightings on a trip this week. At Singapore airport, beside the walkway, mid twenties, probably English, voluptuous curved, white T-shirt, jeans, blond hair in a single braid down to her neck, gold oval glasses, probably about minus three but I couldn't see properly because I was whisked past on the walkway. In the Singapore Airlines lounge, probably mid-30s by the age of her kids, American, very tidily assembled, a little thick in the waist, (pot and kettle analogies suggest themselves here) very soignée, gold oval glasses, rimless on the bottom.
28 September 1999
O’Reilly’s BarI don't know if any of you are familiar with O'Reilly's Bar in the Grand Hyatt Jakarta. Great spot at the best of times, and in some ways even better in times like these. You can sit in there and take refuge from the seemingly incessant street rioting in the company of like minded people with whom you can discuss how close the value of your Indonesian investments has approached to zero. And unquestionably the premier gwg watching spot in Indonesia, possibly in South-East Asia (query - does the greater availability of the gwgs in Bangkok overcome their slight disadvantage on the pulchritude front? perhaps another time...) Lashings of sloe shaped Javanese eyes surrounded by swathes of silky black hair, occasionally sitting snugly on the back of their necks in traditional buns; beautiful Indian looking Balinese black eyes, Chinese almond shaped eyes, all hiding behind flashing gold frames with little touches of tortoise shell.....I'm sorry but I have to take a little time out to let my computer recompose himseellff;: he tends to get a little unstable in moments like these especially when he's away from home.
So. Last night, being night time, I am sitting in O'Reilly's over a tall cool glass of Bir Bintang when who should walk in but should walk in but my Indonesian colleague Hendra the Horrible with no less than two Javanese gwgs in tow. "Oh my God, he's guessed my secret and is trying to corrupt me," I think hopefully (after all this is Indonesia). A very interesting pair, called Susi (allegedly after the well-known -really!!- Indonesian badminton player, Susi Susanto) and Monica (after Monica Seles). Susi is not too bad, but she's done a few miles. Late 30s, medium length slightly scraggy black hair, blue t-shirt and jeans, gold almond shaped glasses, probably fairly weak. Monica, au cointreau, would rate about 15 on the modified Eddy scale of 10. Mid 20s, abundant medium length silky swooshy Javanese hair matching a silky swooshy Javanese personality, a wite t-shirt which showed off a well-shaped pair of Javanese tits (oh why did the Dutch force them to wear shirts?), a little sand colored mini skirt with sand colored braces showing lots of Javanese thigh which went down to Javanese knee and calf and then a cheeky pair of white bobby socks and sand colored suede boots. Come to think of it, would have been good in the dunes last week. And the glasses! If you're not familiar with Indonesia, I should explain them to you. Very popular in Jakarta, gold rims, sort of flat at the top, rounded at the bottom, Wrap themselves around the face and are taken to her lovely ears by tortoise shell arms. Probably about -6. Oh, be still my beating heart.
As to whether or not this was a cunning Oriental plot to corrupt your own Elliot Ness, my status as a gentleman and the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act preclude further comment. I still don't know the Javanese for "glasses" or "you have beautiful glasses". Of, course their Indonesian equivalents are "cenderamata" and "cenderamata anda cantik banyak".
I must close. My computer has become extremely tired and emotional after all this excitement.
29 September 1999
Oops! My computer has recovered from his previous indisposition after a rest and a bit of a wipe-down and reminds me that I have neglected to tell you why I was in O'Reilly's in the first place. Indeed had Hendra the Horrible not come in with the consequent violent meeting between the fertilizer and the cooling system, this would have been very worthy of a post in its own right. The point is that I had finally convinced another Indonesian colleague, Maryana that she should share a Bir Bintang with me. Maryana is about mid 30s, very statuesque for a Javanese, about 6ft., always dressed in a little black something which as you can imagine sets off the rest of her coloring perfectly. The same fashionable glasses as I described for Monica but about -10. For you lucky Central Europeans she tells me that the father of her child lives in Vienna and that she spends as much time as possible there. Unfortunately the whole evening finished up as something of an embarras de choix so I may have to revisit this one later.